EXT. ROAD - NIGHT
The entire episode is in black and white. We see the Impala driving down a dark road, with eerie music playing and it passes a sign that says WELCOME TO PENNSYLVANIA but then lightening cracks and the sign flickers to saying WELCOME TO TRANSYLVANIA with a couple flashes of light, and then switches back.
INT. IMPALA - NIGHT
We hear the same eerie music coming from the speakers of the Impala, as we see DEAN driving and SAM in the passenger seat.
DEAN
The radio around here sucks.
DEAN reaches down and clicks the radio off. He looks at SAM who is reading from a file folder with a flashlight.
DEAN
Come on man, jobs don't get much sweeter than this, you know? Dead vic. with a gnawed on neck, body drained of blood, and a witness who swears up and down that it was a vampire.
SAM looks distracted, and says without any enthusiasm.
SAM
No, no I agree, it's a hell of a case.
DEAN
A little more gusto please.
SAM slams the folder shut and turns off the flashlight.
SAM
It's just...the world is coming to an end, things are a little complicated you know.
DEAN
Yeah, well we can't save the world, okay? I mean, not today anyway. But, what we can do is chop off some vamps heads. Come on man, it's like the good old days; an honest to goodness monster hunt. It's about time the Winchesters got back to tackling a- a straightforward, black and white case.
EXT. STREET - DAY
There is polka music playing and the camera pans down to a woman dressed in costume. The camera pans around and there are more women dressed the same, and men in lederhosen. There is a big sign hanging on a building that says: 'OKTOBERFEST 2008'. The people are dressed for the festivities. SAM and DEAN get out of the Impala with suits on, and walk down the street.
DEAN
You know we still gotta see the new 'Raiders' movie.
SAM
Saw it.
DEAN
Without me?
SAM
You were in hell.
DEAN
That's no excuse!
DEAN eyes him, and shakes his head.
STREET VENDOR V.O.
Fresh German Pretzels! Pretzels!
DEAN turns around and sees the STREET VENDOR.
DEAN
Big pretzels!
DEAN walks over forgetting all about the movie, as SAM watches, as DEAN orders, SAM just watches him, smiling a bit amused.
STREET VENDOR V.O.
Ah, Guten Tag.
DEAN V.O.
I'll take two please, nah, keep the change.
The camera changes to DEAN at the cart, taking the pretzels.
DEAN
Thank you.
SAM walks over and DEAN hands him a big pretzel.
SAM
Thank you.
DEAN and SAM both take a bite out of their pretzels. A woman (JAMIE) walks past them.
JAMIE
Guten Tag.
DEAN watches her, and still has a big bite of pretzel in his mouth when he responds after she is almost out of earshot.
DEAN
Guten Tag yourself.
JAMIE glances over her shoulder and DEAN and SAM share a nod. JAMIE walks past a man with a badge, and SAM notices.
SAM
Hmm, looks like that's our man.
SAM and DEAN head over to the SHERIFF.
SAM
Sheriff Deitrich.
SHERIFF DEITRICH
Are you the boys from the Fed?
SAM pulls out his badge, and DEAN shoves the rest of the pretzel down, and pulls his out as well.
SAM
Agents Angus and Young. We called ahead about your uh...problem.
SHERIFF DEITRICH
Right, um...
SHERIFF DEITRICH looks around at the many people walking by.
SHERIFF DEITRICH
Right, um...uh- I'll tell you what, why don't we talk this out away from the crowd huh?
INT. MORGUE - DAY
A metal door opens, and a body slab is pulled out as ominous music plays. SHERIFF DEITRICH pulls the sheet down showing DEAN and SAM the victim's head and shoulders.
SHERIFF
Marisa Wright, 26, just down from Larkin for the fest. Terrible, just terrible. It's the last thing this town needs in peak tour season.
SAM
Definitely the last thing Marisa Wright needed.
DEAN leans down and pulls her head to the side, showing two distinct holes on the right side of her neck, and as DEAN well knows, vampires have a complete second set of teeth that come down when they feed, not just two. DEAN gets confused; maybe this isn't such a black and white case after all.
DEAN
What the hell?
SHERIFF
Yeah, you got me, I mean, this killer's some kind of Grade-A wacko right? I mean, some Satan worshiping, Anne Rice reading gothic psycho vampire wannabe.
SAM nods his head sideways, not sure what to think either.
DEAN
Sheriff, in your report you mentioned a witness?
SHERIFF
Well, I wish'd I didn't, but the witness insisted. That's Ed Brewer, not exactly what you'd call reliable.
The camera angle changes to where MARISA's head is, looking up at the boys. They shrug, and the SHERIFF slides the body back into place and shuts the door.
INT. TAVERN - NIGHT
DEAN walks up to the barmaid from the street, JAMIE.
JAMIE
I remember you.
DEAN
And I remember you...
DEAN looks at her name badge.
DEAN
Jamie, I never forget a pretty...everything.
JAMIE smiles at the compliment and twists the towel in her hand a bit.
JAMIE
Oh...
SAM
We're looking for Ed Brewer.
JAMIE
What do you want with Ed?
SAM and DEAN pull out their badges and flash them simultaneously.
DEAN
Well, we are uh...we're Federal Agents. Mr. Brewer was witness to a serious crime, we just need to-
JAMIE
Wait a minute, you're a Fed?
DEAN shrugs an affirmative.
JAMIE
Wow, you don't come on like a Fed.
JAMIE clears her throat.
JAMIE
Seriously?
DEAN leans over on the bar on one elbow, trying his best 'James Dean'.
DEAN
I'm a maverick, ma'am. A rebel with a badge. One thing I don't play by? The rules.
DEAN winks at her, and JAMIE looks skeptically back at him raising her eyebrows.
SAM
Okay maverick, um...so where can we find Mr. Brewer?
INT. TAVERN - DAY
ED BREWER grabs a big stein of beer and opens the lid, taking a big drink, looking a little fidgety and nervous. SAM and DEAN are sitting across from him in the booth in the same bar they just entered.
ED
I told the cops everything I saw. No one believes me, why should you be any different.
DEAN
Believe me Mr. Brewer, we're different.
ED
I spoke the god's honest truth, and now I'm the town joke.
SAM
Marisa Wright's murder is no joke to us, and we wanna hear everything. No matter how strange it may seem.
DEAN
We have a lot of experience with strange.
ED nods his head and grabs the stein to take another drink. When he puts it down, he gives SAM and DEAN a thumbs up, and ominous music starts as he tells his story.
ED
It was just after midnight, I just left here, and like I do every night, I cut through the park on the way home. At first I thought it was a- a couple kissing, but she was struggling too much. And this man, he was, well he was biting her neck.
SAM
Can you describe her assailant?
ED
Oh, it was a vampire.
DEAN
Okay, right, and by that you mean...?
ED
You know- uh- a vampire.
ED hisses at DEAN for effect. SAM and DEAN look skeptical.
DEAN
Uh-huh.
ED
Yeah.
DEAN
So, he- he looked like-
ED
He looked like a vampire. You know, with the fangs and the slicked back hair, and the fancy cape, and the little medallion thingy on the- uh ribbon.
DEAN
You mean like a Dracula?
ED
Exactly! Like a Dracula.
DEAN looks wide eyed, like he can't believe it.
ED
Right down to the accent.
SAM looks amused.
SAM
The accent?
ED looks at SAM seriously, so SAM resigns his face to look serious.
SAM
What did he say?
ED
You know, something like...
ED throws up his left hand, miming the way the Dracula in the old movies, used to throw up the cape to hide his face.
ED
Stay away mortal! The night is mine!
DEAN and SAM sit there speechless, just looking at him.
ED
You do believe me don't you?
INT. TAVERN - DAY
Behind the bar JAMIE is watching SAM and DEAN talk to ED. LUCY (another waitress) walks up and joins her.
LUCY
They must be here following up on that murdered woman. Crazy Ed and his vampire story.
JAMIE
He might be weird but he's not crazy.
LUCY blots her lips on a bar napkin.
LUCY
Oh, come on, you're just saying that because the guy has a crush on you and he tips you in twenties.
LUCY folds the napkin and tosses it down on the bar.
CUSTOMERV.O.
Lucy!
LUCY looks at JAMIE and she motions for her to go, and LUCY leaves. DEAN walks up to the bar.
DEAN
So, you got a beer back there for me?
JAMIE
I don't know Agent Young, you off duty?
DEAN
And then some.
JAMIE laughs and leaves to get him a beer. SAM walks up to the bar next to DEAN and picks up the napkin folded in half with lipstick on it that LUCY left behind.
DEAN
So, what do you think hmm? Goth-psycho-vampire-wannabe right?
SAM
Definitely not our kind of case.
DEAN
Agreed, but who cares.
DEAN and SAM walk over to a booth and sit down.
DEAN
Room's paid for, and it's Oktoberfest, come on brother, beer and bar wench's.
SAM
I'm pretty sure women today don't react well to the whole wench thing, Dean.
DEAN gives SAM a look, then looks over to where JAMIE is pouring his beer.
DEAN
Hey bar wench! Where's that beer?
JAMIE
Coming up, good sir.
SAM rolls his eyes and shakes his head, DEAN smirks at him.
DEAN
Dude, Oktoberfest.
JAMIE walks up to the table and sets DEAN's beer down in front of him.
JAMIE
There you go.
JAMIE turns to SAM.
JAMIE
What can I get ya?
SAM starts to say something, but DEAN beats him to it.
DEAN
Oh, he doesn't drink. He's Christian Scientist, yeah, doesn't even take aspirin, he's a real drag on stake outs.
JAMIE chuckles.
JAMIE
You're funny.
DEAN leans toward her with his best 'come hither' look..
DEAN
Well, I'm a lot more than that, I'd love to get a chance to show you the rest.
SAM rolls his eyes again, at DEAN's very obvious pick up line.
DEAN
What time do you get off?
JAMIE
Ha-ha, like I said, funny.
JAMIE walks away, not seeming in the least bit interested in DEAN, much to SAM's amusement and DEAN's shock, which he recovers quickly from and watches JAMIE walk away, sighing a deep breath.
DEAN
Man, it is time to right some wrongs.
SAM
Come again?
DEAN
Well, look at me, I mean, I came back from the furnace without any of my old scars, right? No bullet wounds, knife cuts, none of the off angle fingers from all the breaks, I mean my hide is as smooth as a baby's bottom, which leads me to conclude, sadly, that my virginity is intact.
SAM looks at him in disbelief and shakes his head.
SAM
What?
DEAN
I have been rehymenated.
SAM
Re- hy-
SAM laughs at the absurdity of the thought.
SAM
Please! Dean maybe angels can pull you out of hell, but no one could do that.
DEAN
Brother, I have been rehymenated. And the dude will not abide.
SAM
Alright dude, well-
DEAN looks at more girls that walk by, paying attention to them, and hardly listening to SAM.
SAM
You go do whatever you gotta do, and I'm gonna go back to the room and get some sleep.
DEAN raises his glass to SAM as he leaves, then takes a sip and goes back up to the bar to try with JAMIE again.
DEAN
So how about tonight?
JAMIE
Oh, sorry, I promised Lucy a girls' night out. Besides, no self respecting bar wench lets herself get picked up by a customer on the first try.
DEAN
Well, I'm not a customer, I'm a Federal Agent.
JAMIE
Try again tomorrow G-man.
DEAN
I wish I could, I don't think we're staying on the case.
JAMIE
What? Is it too weird for you?
DEAN
Not weird enough.
EXT. WOODS - NIGHT
The camera pans down to a parked car as we hear a wolf howl and more ominous music playing.
INT. CAR - NIGHT
A guy (RICK) and girl (ANNA MARIE) are making out in the car, and we hear the howl again. ANNA MARIE pushes RICK off of her, and looks nervous.
ANNA MARIE
Rick, did you hear that?
RICK
What?
ANNA MARIE
It sounded like a wolf.
RICK
Come on baby, don't change the subject, I told you what could happen to a man if he doesn't-
ANNA MARIE
Those stories aren't true.
RICK
They are, baby, if a man doesn't get the stuff out of his system regularly it can back up and cause all kinds of- medical type problems.
ANNA MARIE looks skeptically at him, but he leans in and they start to kiss again.
EXT. CAR - NIGHT
The shadows of long fingers on two big hands reaching out are cast on a rock, and there is growling. The furry outline shadow of what looks like an upright wolf is shown on the back of the car.
INT. CAR - NIGHT
ANNA MARIE and RICK are still kissing.
EXT. CAR - NIGHT
The growling continues and the wolf approaches the back of the car, and we now see hairy outstretched fingers on the hands of the wolf.
INT. CAR - NIGHT
ANNA MARIE pushes RICK off her again, and looks worried.
ANNA MARIE
Shhh, do you hear that?
RICK
Anna Marie, there aren't any wolves in Pennsylvania.
Right then, the window if the drivers' side door smashes and the hairy hands grab RICK from behind and drag him out of the car as ANNA MARIE screams and watches in horror.
EXT. COURTYARD - DAY
ANNA MARIE is sitting across from SAM and DEAN at a small table by the gazebo. ANNA MARIE is drinking out of a big plastic cup with a straw, as DEAN and SAM wait for her to tell her story.
ANNA MARIE
And then it just- it just tore Rick into little pieces.
DEAN
Ma'am we understand how hard this is. Can you describe the creature.
ANNA MARIE
Oh-
She takes another drink out of her straw.
ANNA MARIE
It was a Werewolf.
SAM
A Werewolf?
ANNA MARIE
Mm-hmm.
SAM
You're sure?
ANNA MARIE
Oh yeah, with the furry face and the black nose and the claws and- and the torn up pants and shirt. Like from the old movies.
SAM
Um...
DEAN
Well, okay, so...thank you for your time.
SAM and DEAN both get up and leave the table looking unsatisfied, and ANNA MARIE goes back to noisily sucking on her straw.
INT. MORGUE - DAY
DEAN and SAM walk up to the metal doors that have the bodies in them. SMA looks at the name plates while DEAN stands there.
DEAN
First a Dracula, and now a full on movie-time wolf man, what the hell is going on in this town?
SAM finds what he is looking for and opens the door, pulling out the slab and unzips the body bag. SAM and DEAN both reel back from the remains.
DEAN
Oh-
SAM
Whoo-
DEAN
Damn!
SAM
Alright, whatever did this wasn't a psycho wannabe.
SAM starts poking around the remains with a pen, and picks up torn apart flesh and muscle, tossing it aside.
SAM
Look at those bite marks, right down to the bone...and deeper.
DEAN
Strong enough to tear a healthy man apart from limb to limb, it could be a werewolf.
SAM
Yeah, except look.
SAM points to something inside the body bag.
SAM
Heart's still there in one piece, they never leave the heart behind.
DEAN
Thus I reiterate, what the hell is going on?
SHERIFF DEITRICH walks in with something in his hands.
SHERIFF DEITRICH
Well, I was hoping you boys could tell me.
SHERIFF DEITRICH holds up the paper in his hands.
SHERIFF DEITRICH
I just got a rush job back from the lab, from those fibers we found on the body.
SHERIFF DEITRICH holds up a plastic bag with evidence in it.
SHERIFF DEITRICH
K-9, wolf hairs.
SAM looks at DEAN, and DEAN tries to think up an explanation, and gives up after a few seconds.
DEAN
I'm getting a headache.
INT. TAVERN - DAY
SAM and DEAN are sitting at a table in the bar finishing up the food in front of them.
DEAN
I don't know man, it looks like we've stumbled onto a midnight showing of Dracula meets Wolfman. Is that it?
SAM
I don't know, I mean, Wolfman seems real enough, makes Dracula seem a little less impossible I guess.
DEAN
Yeah, but Werewolves don't grow wolf hair, that's just a myth.
SAM
Yeah-
DEAN
So what? We've got a- a vampire and a werewolf Monster Mashing this town?
JAMIE walks up and puts down beer for them.
JAMIE
Uh, looks like you guys are staying a while. I heard about Rick Deacon.
DEAN
Yeah, this case just got weird enough for uh, our department.
JAMIE
Huh, well beers are on me.
JAMIE starts to leave and stops, turning to DEAN.
JAMIE
And just so you know, I get off at midnight tonight.
DEAN nods at LUCY at the bar reading 'ScreenIdol' magazine and blotting her lipstick with a napkin like before.
DEAN
Oh, it's not another girls night out?
JAMIE
Doesn't have to be.
DEAN
Okay then, I'll see you tonight.
JAMIE
Okay then.
JAMIE walks off, and SAM looks at DEAN with a smirk, and DEAN almost looks like he is going to celebrate, but turns to SAM.
DEAN
Hey, do you think this Dracula can turn into a bat?
SAM looks at DEAN with his brow furrowed.
DEAN
That'd be cool.
DEAN takes a big sip of beer, and when he lowers the glass there is foam on his top lip all the way up to his nose.
EXT. MUSEUM - NIGHT
As fog rolls across the ground in front of the museum, the camera pans up on the sign: Canonsburg MUSEUM of American History Lightening and thunder crash and light up the outside of the museum building.
INT. MUSEUM - NIGHT
The camera shows a sign saying: 'Artifacts' as we here someone speaking.
SECURITY GUARD V.O.
Sorry to bother you, after- yeah I do know what time it is. I was just wondering if you were expecting a delivery of some kind. I don't know, it looks old.
The camera comes around the corner and we see the SECURITY GUARD is talking on the phone. There is a large sarcophagus sitting on the loading dock next to where the SECURITY GUARD is standing, still talking on the phone.
SECURITY GUARD
Yeah, an- an Egyptian kind of deal. No, nah it's- it's just sitting there on the loading dock. No Dr. I- there's no shipping invoice there's no nothing-
The top of the sarcophagus slides open and fog starts pouring out of it. The camera remains trained on the sarcophagus while the SECURITY GUARD continues to talk.
SECURITY GUARD V.O.
I don't know when it was delivered.
A hand comes out of the sarcophagus, looking dead and very old, deteriorated.
SECURITY GUARD V.O.
I thought you'd know what to do.
Another hand joins the one on the side of the sarcophagus where the lid has slid off, with fog continuing to come out of it. The camera goes back to the SECURITY GUARD who has his back turned to the sarcophagus, and hasn't seen any of this.
SECURITY GUARD
Do you think Helen has any record of it in her files?
There is a thump, and the SECURITY GUARD finally turns around, and sees that the lid has slid completely off the sarcophagus and onto the floor. Both hands come up out of the sarcophagus and the body floats up, not bending, seemingly being pulled by the torso. It is an old MUMMY, very thin and with the burial rags still wrapped around it. The SECURITY GUARD watches in horror, stunned, still holding the cell phone.
SECURITY GUARD
Holy mother of crap!
The SECURITY GUARD drops his phone, and reaches for his gun, and shoots three times, not stopping the MUMMY that is advancing on him. The MUMMY backs him up against a wall, and slides him up it, off of his feet, strangling him.
EXT. MUSEUM - NIGHT
Lightening flashes and thunder claps and fog rolls across the ground.
INT. MUSEUM - NIGHT
A coroner wheels out a body covered in a sheet. SHERIFF DEITRICH is talking to investigators and there is a photographer taking pictures of the scene.
SHERIFF DEITRICH
Check to see if there is any evidence of a break in.
There are investigators talking to each other about the basic protocol of processing the scene of a crime. The camera pans over to DEAN and SAM, who are looking at the sarcophagus, DEAN looking inside and around the bottom, and SAM examining the lid.
SAM pulls something off the inside of the lid, and stands up scoffing.
SAM
The sarcophagus isn't ancient.
SAM holds up a sticker that reads 'THE FX SHOP PROPHOUSE PHILADELPHIA, PA' on it to show DEAN.
SAM
It's from a prop house in Philly.
DEAN shines the flashlight on it, not looking very surprised, but a little annoyed.
DEAN
Well, it goes well with the-
DEAN pulls a little aluminum bucket out of the sarcophagus that is emitting fog.
DEAN
Bucket of dry ice he was keeping in it.
SAM
Is he making his own special effects?
DEAN
Yeah, a mummy with good sense of showmanship.
SAM
This is stupid.
DEAN gets up suddenly from where he was kneeling.
DEAN
Dammit, Jamie...I'm late. You're good here with the Mummy and the crazy?
SAM
Yeah-
DEAN
Yeah.
DEAN rushes off.
EXT. TAVERN - NIGHT
The camera pans down the sign above the tavern that says, 'Bavarian Beerhaus Tavern' and keeps going down until we see JAMIE in regular clothes, with her purse on her arm, waiting outside the door, looking around impatiently. JAMIE looks at her watch again as we hear a motor turning in the distance.
JAMIE
Your loss G-man.
JAMIE starts to walk off, comes around a corner into an alley, and there is a flutter of something, and she hears it, slowing down and looking around. She hears something behind her, and turns slowly to see DRACULA in his full costume. He speaks at her in a Transylvanian accent.
DRACULA
Good evening.
JAMIE looks horrified, and turns around and runs; DRACULA sweeps up his cape and follows her. JAMIE runs into a dead end and turns around as DRACULA is coming around the corner.
DRACULA
I have watched you for many nights from afar.
JAMIE is digging in her purse now.
DRACULA
My passion knows no bounds Mina.
DRACULA starts toward her, while she digs in her purse.
DRACULA
You are the reincarnation of my beloved, and I must have you.
As he gets close to her, she pulls out pepper spray from her purse and sprays him in the face with it. JAMIE runs past him and DRACULA grabs his face and yells, losing his accent.
DRACULA
Ow! Mary son of a-
JAMIE goes back out of the alley the way she came, and DRACULA turns to follow her, whipping his cape in front of him, just like the original movie. DEAN comes walking around the corner of the alley.
DEAN
Jamie?
JAMIE runs into DEAN.
DEAN
Geez!
JAMIE looks at him, and turns around, backing behind him. DEAN looks and sees the man dressed as DRACULA.
DEAN
Son of a bitch.
DRACULA
You should not use such language in the presence of my bride.
DEAN
Okay...
DEAN punches DRACULA, and when he comes back up recovering from the punch, DRACULA has two K-9 fangs showing, and hisses at DEAN. DEAN tries to punch him again, and DRACULA blocks it, grabbing DEAN and backing him against a wall. DEAN struggles against his grip.
DEAN
Jamie run!
JAMIE takes off away from the fight.
DRACULA
You have no choice in the matter Mr. Harker, Mina is mine!
DRACULA leans in to bite DEAN on the neck, and as DEAN struggles, he rips his right hand down, and then his left, ripping some cloth of DRACULA's clothes in his left hand. DRACULA recoils and runs the other direction, clutching the left side of his head. DEAN opens his right hand, and sees a slimy ear in it; he ripped off the left ear of DRACULA. He chases DRACULA around the corner and down another alley. The chase comes to a tall iron gate, and DRACULA jumps high and gets over the gate, and DEAN can't follow, not getting enough height to make it over the gate. He then stares in disbelief as DRACULA gets away on a scooter, honking at DEAN to mock him.
INTERMISSION
INT. TAVERN - NIGHT
SAM walks in and holds up his hand in questioning for DEAN, as he walks over in front of a booth that DEAN and JAMIE are sitting at. DEAN and JAMIE have a bottle in between them, and DEAN has a glass in front of him
DEAN
Hey.
SAM
You guys alright?
DEAN
Yeah, I think so. And I think I know what's going on.
DEAN pulls a bar rag out from beside him and tosses it on the table.
SAM
Yeah?
DEAN
Part of it at least.
SAM flips the towel open, and sees the ear there. JAMIE recoils and looks away, and SAM glances away as well, looking grossed out.
SAM
Uh- the ear part?
DEAN
Ripped it off of Dracula's head, touch it.
SAM laughs and looks at DEAN like that is the last thing he is going to do, but sees DEAN is serious, so tentatively reaches out and touches the slimy ear.
SAM
Ugh...
DEAN
Feel familiar to you?
SAM gets a looks of realization on his face, and looks at DEAN.
SAM
Oh, man.
DEAN
Skin of a shapeshifter, just like St. Louis and just like Milwaukee. Of course this one's a whole new buckets of crazy. Oh, and uh...
DEAN reaches into his pocket and pulls out the medallion he ripped off the SHAPESHIFTER (formerly all three villains, the WOLFMAN, the MUMMY and DRACULA). SAM puts the bar rag back over the ear, covering it up.
DEAN
This, I uh, pulled it off during the fight. Look at the label on the ribbon.
SAM turns over the ribbon, and it has the same label that the sarcophagus had: 'THE FX SHOP PROPHOUSE PHILADELPHIA, PA'.
SAM
It's a costume rental.
DEAN
All three monsters, the uh Dracula, the Wolf Man and the Mummy, all the same critter, which means we need to catch this freak before he 'creature from the black lagoon's' somebody.
JAMIE has been watching the exchange between SAM and DEAN looking confused and scared.
JAMIE
So you two are like Mulder and Scully, or something, and the X Files are real?
DEAN chuckles slightly.
DEAN
No, the X Files is a TV show, this is real.
JAMIE
Oh...
JAMIE laughs nervously, and DEAN smiles at her 'matter-of-factly' and takes a drink from his glass.
SAM
Okay, so the stagecraft, the costuming, it's like he's trying to reenact his favorite monster movie moments, right down to the bloody murders.
JAMIE
Wait a second, who the hell is Mina?
SAM
Mina?
DEAN
Yeah, it's what he called Jamie, and he called me Mr. Harker.
SAM
Jonathan Harker?
DEAN shakes his head, obviously not knowing the refrence.
SAM
They're characters from the movies and the novels, uh Mina, Dracula's intended bride, Harker the fiancé that stands in the way. It seems like he fixating on you, like he sees you as his bride.
JAMIE
Oh, lucky me.
JAMIE pours herself a drink from the bottle.
SAM
But to fixate on you, my guess is that the shifter has to have seen you before or been around you.
DEAN
Jamie, has anybody strange come to town, even anyone that's taken a specific notice of you.
JAMIE
I don't know dean, it's Oktoberfest, I'm a bartender, there's lots of people, uh- I... wait a second, there is Ed.
SAM
Ed Brewer, Ed?
JAMIE
Yeah, he moved here about a month ago, Lucy swears he has a crush on me, he comes in almost every night, but you know, I don't think he's the type of guy-
DEAN
Where does Ed live?
JAMIE
I don't know, but he works at the old movie theatre, I think he's the projectionist there.
DEAN points over his shoulder, motioning for SAM to check it out.
SAM
Take care of Mina?
DEAN
Yup.
SAM leaves quickly.
INT. TAVERN - NIGHT
JAMIE is pacing while DEAN sits at the table still.
JAMIE
So, monsters are real.
DEAN
Some of them, yeah.
JAMIE
And the shapeshifter, he can turn into different people.
DEAN
Yeah, yeah, except this one's turning into the great monsters of screenland which is a new one for me.
JAMIE looks at DEAN.
JAMIE
You're not really F.B.I. are you?
DEAN
Not so much.
JAMIE
So, this is what you do, you and your partner just tramp across the country on your own dime until you find some horrible nightmare to fight?
DEAN
Some people paint.
JAMIE
Wow...
DEAN
What?
JAMIE
That must suck, I mean, y- giving up your life for this terrible, I don't know, responsibility.
DEAN smiles to himself.
DEAN
Last few years, I started thinking that way, and uh, you know, started, it started weighing on me. Of course that was before...
DEAN looks up at JAMIE and can't bring himself to tell her about his trip to hell, the entire story being a bit too complicated to share.
DEAN
A little while ago, uh- I had this...it's called a near death experience. Very near-
JAMIE sits down next to DEAN, listening to him.
DEAN
And uh- when I came to, things were different. My life's been different. I realized that I help people. You know, not just help them though, I save them, and I gotta say, it's- it's awesome. It's kinda like a gift, like a...a mission. Kinda like a mission from God.
JAMIE smiles at DEAN and starts to lean a little closer to him.
JAMIE
So, does that make you some kind of monk or something?
DEAN looks at her confused.
JAMIE
You know, celibate?
DEAN
Man, I hope not.
DEAN and JAMIE kiss, a light switches on, causing them to stop and look up. LUCY has a bottle in her hand behind the bar, and sees DEAN and JAMIE.
LUCY
Holy crap, oh my God. Jamie...guys I'm I'm...sorry, I thought you guys were going out.
JAMIE
Lucy, it's- it's okay. Uh, listen-
LUCY
You know what? I just- I came to borrow a bottle, I kinda got something going back at my... Anyway, you guys look really busy, so I'm just gonna get out of your hair.
JAMIE
No, seriously, Lucy, it's been a crazy night, stay for a drink.
DEAN looks like he definitely does not need any more company right now, but tries his hardest to be accommodating.
DEAN
Yeah, stay for a drink.
EXT. GOETH THEATRE - NIGHT
SAM walks up to the movie theatre and enters under the sign: 'GOETH THEATRE Now Playing PHANTOM OF THE OPERA'.
INT. GOETHE THEATRE - NIGHT
SAM walks up the stairs toward the music from the movie score that is playing, pulls out his gun, and checks the clip. SAM walks into the theatre and down the aisle looking around at the empty seats, and he sees a silhouette of a man playing the piano behind the big screen. SAM goes backstage and sneaks up on ED, who is playing the eerie music. Suddenly ED, in his underwear, switches the music and starts to play an upbeat melody. SAM shakes it off and continues to sneak up on him. ED notices and turns around, SAM presses him up against the piano, holding the gun in his face.
ED
Whoa, you F.B.I. an- and what did I-
SAM
Shut up!
ED looks scared and nods at SAM.
ED
Oh-
SAM
Okay? You know what you did.
ED
W-wh-what?
SAM
I know what you are.
ED
I'm not anything, I just like to play the Casio.
SAM looks at ED's left ear.
SAM
Had time to grow the ear back huh?
ED
What?
SAM grabs ED's ear and pulls, it doesn't come off, and ED shrieks in pain.
ED
Ow! Ow- ow! Ouch ouch!
SAM stops pulling and looks confused.
SAM
It's supposed to come off-
ED
No, it's not!
SAM smiles awkwardly at ED, obviously they have misjudged who the SHAPESHIFTER is.
INT. TAVERN - NIGHT
There are three glasses on the table and two bottles, the one from before with DEAN and JAMIE, and the new one that LUCY came to borrow. There is a napkin next to LUCY's glass.
LUCY
Oh, that sounds awful, Jamie honey, are you okay?
JAMIE looking a little tipsy and swaying a little from side to side waves he hand dismissively.
JAMIE
Oh, I am fine, Ed- he didn't even touch me. And Dean, he just- heh- flew right in and fought him off.
DEAN
Well, I didn't actually fly, but I'm sure it seemed that way at the time.
The camera follows LUCY as she picks up the napkin, blots her lips on it and sets it back down next to her glass.
JAMIE
Good, it was really...really something.
JAMIE starts to close her eyes, and looks like she is gonna pass out, DEAN notices.
DEAN
Jamie?
JAMIE
Huh?
LUCY
So, Dean, are you like a blackbelt or what?
DEAN looks down at his glass, and it splits into five glasses and swirls around itself, as though the room is spinning. Lucy continues to talk, not reacting to the liquor like JAMIE and DEAN are.
LUCY
Well, I guess they train you to fight at the academy or whatever.
DEAN looks at LUCY who smiles at him. He throws a punch across the table at her, knocking her out of the booth and onto the floor. DEAN pushes JAMIE out of the booth.
JAMIE
Dean, what are you doing?
As DEAN stands up and joins her, JAMIE falls back into the booth, passing out. DEAN tries to stand steady, but he is wavering.
DEAN
It's you isn't it?
LUCY looks up from the floor, and the left side of her jaw is dislocated, she pushes it back into place, and DEAN knows this is the SHAPESHIFTER. DEAN kicks the SHAPESHIFTER but it just rolls up and watches DEAN, as he struggles to get his bearings..
DEAN
Oh, dammit!
DEAN grabs one of the bottles from the table.
DEAN
What did you put in our drinks?!
DEAN smashes the bottom of the bottle against the edge of the table, and moves toward the SHAPESHIFTER that is still on the ground.
DEAN
That's alright, I'll skin you myself.
DEAN staggers toward the SHAPESHIFTER a few steps, but promptly falls flat in his face, passing out. The SHAPESHIFTER stands over DEAN and lifts its leg.
SHAPESHIFTER And...scene.
The SHAPESHIFTER stomps her foot down on DEAN's head.
INT. SHAPESHIFTER'S DUNGEON - NIGHT
There are many things from classic horror movies around the dungeon in the SHAPESHIFTER's house. The electricity is buzzing in a machine that is a replica of the one use to bring Frankenstein to life, and there are Bunsen burners and test tubes on the table, all the things that make up a 'mad scientist's lab' see to be there. DEAN, now dressed in lederhosen, is strapped to a table, much like the one Frankenstein was on before he was shocked to life, it is leaning at an angle, so DEAN is almost standing up. DEAN wakes suddenly, and looks around, and tries to get out of the straps keeping him down, looking down and seeing his new 'costume'.
DEAN
Oh, come on.
DEAN looks around and sees a picture on the wall, looks like a portrait of SHAPESHIFTER LUCY. Since the SHAPESHIFTER is dressed as DRACULA, that is the name being used for the next scenes with him.
DRACULA V.O.
She is beautiful no?
The SHAPESHIFTER dressed in DRACULA garb again, is standing at the steps that lead up from the dungeon DEAN is in, noticed DEAN looking at the portrait.
DRACULA
Bride number 3 from the first film.
DRACULA (still using the 'Transylvanian accent' when he speaks) walks over to the portrait and strokes the face of the woman in it, and DEAN struggles to get free from his binds.
DRACULA
She never got the acclaim she deserved.
DRACULA turns to DEAN now, talking directly to him.
DRACULA
Which is why I chose her shape, her form to move among the mortals unnoticed, to listen to the cricket songs of the living. That was when I discovered my bride had been reborn in this century.
DEAN has been looking at him confused, and now starts to laugh.
DEAN
I can't get over what a pumpkin pie eyed crazy son of a bitch you really are-
DRACULA comes at DEAN holding his cape up.
DEAN
You're not Dracula! You get that right? Or, even if you think you are Dracula, what the hell is up with the Mummy?
DRACULA punches DEAN in the face.
DRACULA
I am all monsters.
DEAN
Life ain't a movie you sorry sack of sh-
DRACULA punches DEAN again, knocking his head sideways and stopping his speech.
DEAN
Ah-
DRACULA
Life is small, meager, messy. The movies are grand, simple, elegant. I have chosen-
DRACULA pulls his cape out on both sides of him dramatically.
DRACULA
Elegance.
DEAN
You think elegance is really the word for what you did to Marisa? Or Rick Deacon? Or any of the others?
DRACULA
But, of course, it is a monster movie, after all.
DEAN
You do realize what happens at the end of every monster movie.
DRACULA
Ah, but this movie is mine. And in it the monster wins, the monster gets the girl, and the hero, is electrocuted.
DRACULA moves to a big lever in the wall, DEAN sees it and his eyes go wide as DRACULA laughs.
DRACULA
And tonight, Jonathan Harker, you will be my hero.
DEAN
Wait, wait, wait, wait-
DEAN chuckles nervously as DRACULA slowly moves his hand toward the lever. DEAN starts to struggle, and DRACULA keeps moving his hand to the lever. Suddenly the door bell rings, and they both stop.
DRACULA
Please, excuse me.
DRACULA whips his cape up into his face and leaves the room, going up the stairs, DEAN sighs with relief.
INT. SHAPESHIFTER'S HOUSE - NIGHT
DRACULA comes around the corner, and walks to the door of a normal looking everyday house. The doorbell rings twice again before he gets to it. DRACULA throws open the door dramatically, and speaks in his Transylvanian accent.
DRACULA
Good evening.
The camera shows a PIZZA DELIVERY GUY on the doorstep with a warmer bag for the pizza in his hands. He looks confused for a moment, but starts to speak.
PIZZA DELIVERY GUY
Uh...pizza delivery.
DRACULA
Ah, you've brought a repast, excellent. Continue to be of such service, and your life will be spared.
The PIZZA DELIVERY GUY looks unimpressed and steps in the door to hand DRACULA the pizza.
PIZZA DELIVERY GUY
Uh- huh.
The PIZZA DELIVERY GUY opens the bag and pulls out the box of pizza.
PIZZA DELIVERY GUY
That'll be fifteen fifty.
DRACULA
Tell me-
PIZZA DELIVERY GUY
Yeah-
DRACULA
Is there garlic on this pizza?
The PIZZA DELIVERY GUY looks irritated with the whole situation.
PIZZA DELIVERY GUY
I don't know, did you order garlic?
DRACULA recoils dramatically.
DRACULA
No.
PIZZA DELIVERY GUY
Then no, look mister, I got four other deliveries to make, you wanna just pay me the money so I can go?
DRACULA
Of course, yes.
DRACULA starts to get something, and holds up a piece of paper, showing it to the PIZZA DELIVERY GUY.
DRACULA
But I have a coupon.
INT. TAVERN - NIGHT
SAM enters looking for DEAN and JAMIE, expecting them to be where he left them. He doesn't see anyone, and dials his phone.
SAM (into phone)
Dean, hey listen, uh, Ed is not our guy, um I'm guessing you went home with Jamie, so just give me a call okay?
SAM walks a few more steps and sees the broken bottle on the floor, and the three glasses on the table. Lightening flashes and the camera zooms in on the napkin with the lipstick ring on it. SAM realizes what is going on.
SAM
Lucy-
INT. SHAPESHIFTER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
The camera pans down across a very 'old castle' style room, where JAMIE is laying on the bed still passed out. The table in the room is set for two. JAMIE wakes up and looks around, but her vision is still fuzzy.
DRACULA V.O.
You wake.
JAMIE sits up quickly and looks at DRACULA standing by the end of the bed. As he takes a step toward her, he indicates a long elegant gown that is hanging next to the bed.
DRACULA
The gown, it suits your beauty.
JAMIE looks at the gown nervously.
DRACULA
Please, put it on.
JAMIE
Where am I? What have you don't with Dean?
DRACULA
Harker is resting, elsewhere. Please, put on the gown and you may dine. We are having pizza.
DRACULA indicates the table where the pizza is now steaming on a silver platter.
JAMIE
What? What is wrong with you?!
DRACULA looks at her curiously.
JAMIE
You made up LUCY right? Pretended to be my friend.
DRACULA
I needed to know if you were the one.
JAMIE
You could try talking to people, I mean, instead you become this?
DRACULA clearly trying to 'stay with the script' he has in his head, tries again desperately.
DRACULA
The gown-
JAMIE
I don't want to play your stupid game! Okay? I just...I just wanna go home.
DRACULA snaps and yells at her, without his accent.
DRACULA
Put on the gown!
JAMIE covers from the sudden change, and reaches out to grab the gown.
INT. SHAPESHIFTER'S HOUSE - NIGHT
There is a shadow approaching the front door, it bends down, and SAM comes in, having picked the lock. SAM pulls out his gun, putting it in front of him, ready, and makes his way through the house.
INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
JAMIE smooths down the front of the gown, having put it on, and looks apprehensively at DRACULA that has his back to her. When he talks, he has lost his accent.
DRACULA
I- I scared you, you're the only one I don't want to scare.
DRACULA turns and sees her in the gown, and sighs. He looks around the room, and indicates the style of it.
DRACULA
I just love the movies.
JAMIE
But they aren't real, you can't make them real.
DRACULA turns away from her again, still with his 'normal' voice, without the Dracula accent.
DRACULA
Real, is being born this way. Different...real is having your Dad call you monster. It's the first time you hear the word, and he tries to beat you to death with a shovel. Everywhere I ran, everywhere I tried to hide, people found me, dragged me out and attacked me. Called me freak, called me monster, then I found them.
DRACULA turns back to JAMIE now.
DRACULA
The great monsters, in their movies they were strong, they were feared, they were beautiful, and now I am like them. Commanding...terrifying-
JAMIE
Lonely.
DRACULA
Was lonely, now I have-
DRACULA reaches out to touch JAMIE's face, but she backs up from his hand, and he brings it back to him.
DRACULA
I have you.
JAMIE
You ever think that maybe you're lonely because you kill people?
DRACULA
Or I kill people because I'm lonely.
There is a noise outside of the room, and DRACULA turns toward it.
DRACULA
Did you hear that?
JAMIE
What? Dean?
JAMIE raises her voice to a yell as DRACULA turns back around to her.
JAMIE
DEAN!
DRACULA backhands her, and she flies back, knocked out on the bed, her nose bleeding. DRACULA sees what he has done and gasps.
INT. SHAPESHIFTER'S DUNGEON - NIGHT
DEAN is still trying to get free from the table, and hears something. SAM comes down the stairs and sees him, going over to help him, pulling out a small crow bar.
DEAN
Oh thank God, just in the nick of time. Guy was about to Frankenstein me.
SAM flips the leather straps holding DEAN down out of the planks, freeing him. As DEAN climbs down, SAM notices the costume he is in.
SAM
Hey there Hansel.
DEAN
Shut up!
SAM hands him a knife and they head off to save the day.
They reach a set of heavy looking double doors, and SAM looks at DEAN, and DEAN gives him the 'go ahead' sign with his hands. SAM sighs and kicks, but his foot gets stuck in the door that seemed heavy, but is another simple wooden 'prop' door, and even though it has handles and looks like it opens on two sides, it is one big piece. DEAN rolls his eyes and SAM turns around to DEAN.
SAM
Let's go.
DEAN looks at the archway when he goes through it, inspecting the 'prop' effect of it.
INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
SAM and DEAN open the door (matching the one they just busted through, looks like two doors, but is really one big one) and see JAMIE on the bed, passed out. SAM moves to get her, and DRACULA grabs him from behind and drags him around and throws him backwards, he goes right through a 'brick' prop wall across the room, and his gun falls and slides across the floor, he brings his 'Transylvanian accent' back.
DRACULA
You will never win, Van Helsing!
DEAN comes at DRACULA from behind, but DRACULA turns and grabs the arm that DEAN is trying to throw a punch with and holds him while he punches him. DRACULA grabs DEAN's face and holds it, looking at him.
DRACULA
And you, Harker, now you die.
DEAN knees him, and gets free.
DEAN
How about now you shut the hell up.
DEAN looks at the gun behind DRACULA and DRACULA turns and sees it too, but when DEAN goes for it, DRACULA stops him and hits him, throwing him backward. He goes to attack DEAN and raises his arms, and has his two 'Dracula fangs' down, but gets shot twice from behind. DRACULA looks down at the wounds that have gone right through him.
DRACULA
Silver?
DRACULA turns and sees that JAMIE has shot him, and is still holding up the gun at him.
DRACULA
Was beauty that killed the beast.
DRACULA staggers backwards into a chair.
DRACULA
No Mina, don't weep, perhaps this is how the movie should end.
DRACULA sighs and his eyes close.
EXT. STREET - DAY
JAMIE and DEAN are kissing, and SAM is standing there waiting.
JAMIE
Well, thank you G-Man.
DEAN chuckles.
JAMIE
You have been a great service to your country.
DEAN
Oh, yes, I'm very, very patriotic.
SAM sighs at the scene they are making.
DEAN turns around and sees SAM standing there, with a forced grin on his face. DEAN turns back to kiss JAMIE one more time.
DEAN
Bye.
JAMIE
Bye.
DEAN turns and joins SAM and they go to leave.
JAMIE
You guys...
SAM and DEAN turn around.
JAMIE
Saved my life you know, so...thanks.
JAMIE nods at them and walks away, they both watch for a second. SAM turns back to DEAN.
SAM
I like her.
DEAN
Feels good to be back on the job doesn't it?
SAM
Yeah, it does.
DEAN
The hero gets the girl, the monster gets the gank. All in all? Happy ending, with a happy ending no less.
DEAN wipes his mouth from the kisses.
SAM
Real classy Dean.
DEAN
Hey, all I'm saying is the shifter may have had a point you know? It'd be nice if- if life was movie simple.
SAM considers it and nods his head in agreement.
DEAN
Although if I was turning life into a movie I wouldn't do this Abbott and Costello meet the monster crap.
SAM
Yeah, no I know what you'd pick.
DEAN laughs.
DEAN
Heh, no you don't.
SAM nods his head confidently.
SAM
Yeah I do.
DEAN
No, you don't.
SAM shrugs.
DEAN
You don't.
SAM
Porky's 2.
DEAN looks surprised.
DEAN
What?
SAM
You heard me.
SAM looks at him, victory on his face, DEAN walks away.
DEAN
Lucky guess.
SAM follows him.
FADE TO BLACK
Ecrit par Luinel.