[FADE IN: EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS. A middle-aged man, PROFESSOR ARTHUR COX, is approaching the building. He stops when he sees a young co-ed girl by the stairs.]
PROF. COX: Excuse me, are you lost? [The girl turns to him, smiling.]
CO-ED: No. I’ve been waiting for you, Professor.
PROF. COX: Huh. Are you in one of my classes?
CO-ED: Don’t you recognize me?
PROF. COX: Well, they’re big classes. Anyway, my office hours are Tuesday and Thursday mornings.
CO-ED: Really? I was hoping I could see you now. [He looks at her, seeing that she is very pretty.]
PROF. COX: Um…well, since you asked so nicely, come on.
[CUT TO: INT. PROFESSOR COX’S OFFICE. The girl is looking at one of the professor’s works, “Modern Morality”. She turns the book over to look at his picture on the back.]
CO-ED: Such a handsome photo.
PROF. COX: [chuckling] Oh, that old thing. So, what can I do for you? How’s the Anscombe paper coming? [She grins coyly.]
CO-ED: Professor, um…I have a confession to make.
PROF. COX: Oh? What’s that?
CO-ED: I’m not really one of your students.
PROF. COX: Really? Then why are you here? [She gives him a knowing look. His grin fades.]
CO-ED: Maybe I should just go.
PROF. COX: Wait. I get it. I understand how you’re feeling, and it’s only natural. You are young and wide-eyed. And I’m somewhat of a celebrity around here. [She smiles and approaches him. He begins stroking her hair.] Don’t get me wrong, you’re a very beautiful girl. But it would be wrong of me to take advantage of you. I just respect you too much.
[They lean in to kiss each other. They continue kissing for a long time when suddenly, the girl’s face begins to change. Her skin becomes purple and mottled. The professor opens his eyes and pulls away, shocked.]
PROF. COX: Oh, my God.
CO-ED: What? Don’t you like me anymore? Don’t you want me? [The professor continues backing away from her.]
[Outside, the janitor is locking the building for the night. He begins to walk away from the school when he hears a thump behind him. He turns and sees the professor has fallen from his office window. His corpse is lying on the front steps.]
TITLE CARD
[FADE IN: MOTEL ROOM. ONE WEEK LATER. SAM is looking through a stack of books, seeming very tired. DEAN is lying on the bed, listening to music and eating a plate of greasy fries.]
SAM: Dude, you mind not eating those on my bed?
DEAN: [taking another handful] No, I don’t mind. [SAM sighs.] How’s the research going?
SAM: You know how it’s going? Slow. You know how it would go a heck of a lot faster? If I had my computer.
DEAN: Mm.
SAM: Can you turn that down, please?
DEAN: Yeah, absolutely. [He raises the volume louder.]
SAM: You know what? Maybe you should just go somewhere for a while, huh?
DEAN: [turning the music off] Hey, I’d love to. That’s a great idea. Unfortunately, my car’s all screwed to hell.
SAM: Dean, I told you, I have nothing to do with—[A knock on the door interrupts them. SAM answers it to see BOBBY.] Hey, Bobby.
BOBBY: Boys.
DEAN: Hey, Bobby. [They let him in.]
BOBBY: It’s good to see you again so soon.
SAM: Yeah, thanks for coming. Come on in.
DEAN: Thank God you’re here.
BOBBY: So…what didn’t you wanna talk to me on the phone about?
SAM: It’s this job we’re working. We weren’t sure you’d believe us.
BOBBY: Well, I can believe a lot.
SAM: Yeah, I know. It’s just, we’ve never seen anything like it.
DEAN: Not even close.
SAM: And we thought we could use some fresh eyes.
BOBBY: [shrugging] Why don’t you begin at the beginning?
SAM: Yeah. [They all take a seat.] So, it all started when we caught wind of an obit. See, a professor took a nosedive from a fourth-story window, only there’s a campus legend that the building is haunted. So, we pre-texted as reporters from the local paper.
[FLASHBACK. SAM is at a bar, talking to a frat boy, CURTIS, and his girlfriend, JEN.]
CURTIS: Yeah, we both had that professor for Ethics and Morality.
SAM: Yeah? So, why do you think he did it?
JEN: Who knows? He was tenured, wife and kids. His book was, like, a really big deal. Then again, who’s to say it was suicide?
CURTIS: Jen, come on.
SAM: Well, what else could it be?
JEN: Well, you know about Crawford Hall.
SAM: No. I don’t, actually.
CURTIS: It’s a bunch of crap. It’s a total urban legend.
JEN: Yeah, well, Heather’s mom went to school here, and she knew the girl.
SAM: Wait, what girl?
JEN: Like, thirty years ago, this girl was having an affair with some professor. He broke it off. She jumped out the window and killed herself.
SAM: You know her name?
JEN: No. But they say she jumped from Room 669. Get it? You turn the nine upside down…[SAM nods.] So, now she haunts the building. And anyone who sees her –- they don’t live to tell the tale.
CURTIS: Well, if no one lives to tell the tale, then how does the tale get told?
JEN: Curtis! Shut up!
SAM: You know what, thanks a lot, guys. Excuse me.
[He leaves to find DEAN, taking shots at the bar.]
SAM: Dean, what are you drinking? [DEAN burps, looking dizzy.]
DEAN: I don’t know, man. I think they’re called purple nurples. [laughs]
SAM: Listen, I think maybe we should go check out the professor’s office.
DEAN: Oh, no, no. I can’t right now, because I’ve got a feisty little wildcat on the hook, and I’m about to reel her in. I’ll introduce you.
SAM: Dean.
DEAN: [to the girl] Starla! Starla, hey. [The girl, a blonde in fishnets and heels, turns around, taking a shot.] This is my shuttle co-pilot, Major Tom. Major Tom, Starla.
STARLA: [tipsy] Mm, enchanté. [She puts her arm around DEAN, giggling.]
SAM: Hi. [STARLA suddenly covers her mouth, looking like she’s about to vomit.]
STARLA: Sorry. Just trying to keep my liquor down.
DEAN: [laughing] Yeah, good job. [to Sam] Hey, good news. She’s got a sister. [grins]
[CUT TO: MOTEL ROOM. PRESENT TIME.]
DEAN: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a minute.
SAM: What?
DEAN: Come on, dude, that’s not how it happened.
SAM: No? So, you never drank a purple nurple?
DEAN: Yeah, maybe that. But I don’t say things like “feisty little wildcat". And her name wasn’t Starla.
SAM: Then what was it?
DEAN: I don’t know. But she was a classy chick. She was a grad student -- Anthropology and Folklore. We were talking about local ghost stories.
[FLASHBACK –- DEAN’S VERSION. At the bar, DEAN is with a much more sophisticated girl, in an elegant black dress. They raise their shot glasses.]
GIRL: Here’s to…
DEAN: Here’s to us. [They drink.]
GIRL: My God, you are attractive.
DEAN: Thanks. But no time for that now. You need to tell me about this urban legend. Please…lives are at stake.
GIRL: I’m sorry, I just…I can’t even concentrate. It’s like staring…into the sun. [He leans down to kiss her passionately. While they are kissing, SAM approaches, looking thoroughly annoyed.]
SAM: Dean, what do you think you’re doing?!
DEAN: Sam, please. If you wouldn’t mind just giving me five minutes here.
SAM: Dean, this is a very serious investigation. We don’t have time for any of your blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah! Blah blah blah blah blah! Blah blah blah blah blah! [DEAN and the girl resume kissing.] Blah blah blah!
[CUT TO: MOTEL ROOM. PRESENT TIME.]
SAM: Right. And that’s how it really happened. [DEAN shrugs.] I don’t sound like that, Dean!
DEAN: That’s what you sound like to me.
BOBBY: Okay, what’s going on with you two?
SAM: Nothing, it’s nothing.
BOBBY: Come on. You’re bickering like an old married couple.
DEAN: No, see, married couples can get divorced. Me and him? We’re like Siamese twins.
SAM: It’s conjoined twins.
DEAN: See what I mean?
SAM: [to Bobby] Look, we’ve just been on the road for too long, tight quarters, all that. Don’t worry about it.
BOBBY: Okay.
SAM: So, anyway. We figured it might be a haunting, so we went to check out the scene of the crime.
[CUT TO: PROFESSOR COX’S OFFICE. The janitor lets the boys in, posing as DSL installers.]
SAM: So, how long you been working here?
JANITOR: I’ve been mopping this floor for six years. [turning on the lights] There you go, guys. [SAM takes out his EMF meter.] What the heck’s that for?
SAM: Just finding wires in the walls.
JANITOR: Huh. Well, not sure why you’re wiring up this office. Not gonna do the professor much good.
DEAN: Why’s that?
JANITOR: He’s dead.
DEAN: Oh, what happened?
JANITOR: He went out that window, right there.
SAM: Yeah?
JANITOR: Mm-hmm.
SAM: Were you working that night?
JANITOR: I’m the one who found him. [DEAN begins eating candies from a jar in the office.]
SAM: You see it happen?
JANITOR: Nope. I just saw him come up here and, uh...
SAM: What?
JANITOR: He wasn’t alone. [DEAN joins them. His cheeks are stuffed abnormally large with candies.]
DEAN: [mouth full] Who was he with?
[The scene freezes.]
DEAN: [VO] Come on! I ate one, maybe two.
SAM: [VO] Just let me tell it, okay?
[The scene unfreezes.]
JANITOR: He was with a young lady. I told the cops about it, but I guess they never found her.
SAM: You saw this girl go in, huh? But did you ever see her come out?
JANITOR: Now that you mention it, no.
SAM: You ever see her before, or around?
JANITOR: Not her.
DEAN: [still eating] What do you mean?
JANITOR: I don’t mean to cast aspersions on a dead guy, but, uh…Mister Morality here? He brought a lot of girls up here. Got more ass than a toilet seat. [DEAN, face stuffed, laughs.]
SAM: One more thing. This building –- it only has four stories, right?
JANITOR: Yeah.
SAM: So, there wouldn’t be a Room 669?
JANITOR: Of course not. Why do you ask?
SAM: Just curious. Thanks.
JANITOR: Sure. [DEAN continues to look around, with his cheeks positively full to bursting.]
[CUT TO: MOTEL ROOM. FLASHBACK CONTINUED. The boys enter.]
SAM: Well, no traces of EMF, that’s for sure.
DEAN: Yeah, and that Room 669 is a load of crap.
SAM: So, what do you think? Professor’s just a jumper? The legend’s just a legend?
DEAN: I don’t know. I mean, the girl the janitor described –- that’s pretty weird.
SAM: Yeah.
DEAN: We ought to check out the history of the building. See if any co-ed ganked herself there.
SAM: Yeah, you’re right. [He opens his laptop, looking frustrated.] Dude, were you on my computer?
DEAN: No.
SAM: Oh, really? ‘Cause it’s frozen now, on…bustyasianbeauties.com? [DEAN’S expression turns guilty, and he walks away.] Dean! Would you just –- don’t touch my stuff anymore, okay?
DEAN: Why don’t you control your OCD?
[CUT TO: MOTEL ROOM. PRESENT TIME.]
BOBBY: But did you dig up anything about the building? Or on the suicidal co-ed?
SAM: No. The history’s clean.
BOBBY: Then it’s not a haunting.
DEAN: Maybe not. To tell you the truth, we’re not really sure.
BOBBY: What do you mean, you’re not sure?
SAM: Well…it’s weird.
BOBBY: What’s weird?
DEAN: This next part –- we didn’t see it happen ourselves, exactly, but…it’s pretty friggin’ weird. Even for us.
[FLASHBACK –- EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS. The frat boy, CURTIS, is walking to the building when he hears a noise behind him. He stops walking and looks up. Suddenly, a brilliant white beam of light appears from the sky. The light traps a screaming CURTIS and sucks him up into the sky.]
[CUT TO: MOTEL ROOM. PRESENT TIME.]
BOBBY: Aliens?
SAM: Yeah.
BOBBY: Aliens?
DEAN: Yeah.
BOBBY: Look, even if they are real, they’re sure as hell not coming to Earth and swiping people.
DEAN: Hey, believe me, we know.
BOBBY: My whole life, I’ve never found evidence of an honest-to-God abduction. It’s all just cranks and pranks.
SAM: Yeah, that’s what we thought. But we figured we’d at least talk to the guy.
[FLASHBACK –- BAR. SAM and DEAN are sitting at a table with CURTIS, who is taking shots. He seems very distressed.]
DEAN: You’ve gotta give those purple nurples a shot. [He chuckles. CURTIS glares at him, unamused.]
SAM: So, what happened, Curtis?
CURTIS: You won’t believe me, nobody does.
SAM: Give us a chance.
CURTIS: I do not want this in the papers.
DEAN: Off the record, then.
CURTIS: [after a long pause] I, uh…I blacked out and…I lost time, and when I woke up…I don’t know where I was.
[There is a quick shot of CURTIS lying on an exam table. A white alien with black eyes is looking down at him.]
SAM: Then what?
CURTIS: They did tests on me, and um…[he takes a shot] –- they, uh…they probed me. [DEAN and SAM try not to laugh.]
DEAN: They probed you?
CURTIS: Yeah. They probed me. Again and again and again and –- [takes a shot] –- and again and again and again and then one more time.
DEAN: [deadpan] Yikes.
CURTIS: And that’s not even the worst of it.
DEAN: How could it get any worse? Some alien made you his bitch! [CURTIS glares again.]
CURTIS: They…they made me…slow dance!
[There is a quick shot of the alien slow-dancing with CURTIS to “Lady in Red”. The alien wraps its arms around CURTIS’ waist. He looks incredibly uncomfortable.]
[CUT TO: MOTEL ROOM. PRESENT TIME.]
BOBBY: You guys are exaggerating again, huh?
DEAN and SAM: No.
BOBBY: Then this frat boy’s just nuts.
DEAN: We’re not so sure.
[FLASHBACK –- EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS. DEAN and SAM are looking at a large crater in the ground.]
SAM: I’m telling you, Dean. This was made by some kind of jet engine.
DEAN: You mean some saucer-shaped jet engine?
SAM: Well, what else could it be?
DEAN: What the hell?
SAM: I don’t know.
DEAN: No, seriously, dude, what the hell?
SAM: I don’t know! I mean, first the haunting, now this? The timing alone –- there’s gotta be some kind of connection here.
DEAN: You mean, between the angry spirit and the sexed-up E.T.? What could the connection possibly be?
[The scene freezes.]
DEAN: [VO] What could we do? So, we just kept on digging.
[The scene unfreezes. The boys are now talking to one of the college students.]
SAM: So, you and this guy, Curtis –- you were in the same house?
STUDENT: Yeah.
DEAN: You heard of what happened to him, right?
STUDENT: Yeah, he said there was aliens, but, you know –- whatever.
SAM: Look, man…I know this all has to be so hard.
STUDENT: Not so much.
SAM: [emotional] But I want you to know…I’m here for you. You brave little soldier! [pouts] I acknowledge your pain. Come here. [He engulfs the boy in a tight hug.] You’re too precious for this world!
[CUT TO: MOTEL ROOM. PRESENT TIME.]
SAM: I never said that!
DEAN: You’re always saying pansy stuff like that!
[CUT TO: FLASHBACK. The student pats SAM on the back.]
STUDENT: Well, um…thanks. Thanks for the hug. But I’m okay, really. [SAM pats him on the shoulder several times.] To tell you the truth, whatever happened to Curtis, he had it coming.
DEAN: Why’s that?
STUDENT: He’s our pledge master. He put us through hell this semester and got off on it. So, now he knows how we feel.
DEAN: Hm. [to Sam] It’s okay. [He pats SAM on the shoulder while SAM pouts.]
[CUT TO: MOTEL ROOM. FLASHBACK CONTINUED. The boys enter.]
DEAN: This still doesn’t make a lick of sense. But hey, at least there’s one connection.
SAM: Between what?
DEAN: The victims. The professor and the frat guy –- they’re both dicks.
SAM: That’s a connection?
DEAN: You got anything better to go on, I’d love to hear it.
SAM: [looking through his bag] Where’s my laptop?
DEAN: I don’t know. [SAM continues looking.] I mean, think about it. A philandering professor gets a dead girl, a pledge master gets hazed—
SAM: I left it in here.
DEAN: Well, you obviously didn’t. [changing subject] I mean, these punishments –- they’re almost poetic. Actually, it’d be more like a limerick, but still—
SAM: Okay. Hilarious. Where’d you hide it?
DEAN: What, your computer?
SAM: Yeah. Where’d you hide it?
DEAN: Why would I take your computer?
SAM: Because no one else could have, Dean. We keep the door locked, we never let any maids in.
DEAN: [smirking] Looks like you lost it, Poindexter.
SAM: Dude, you know something? I’ve put up with a lot from you.
DEAN: What are you talking about? I’m a joy to be around.
SAM: Yeah? Your dirty socks in the sink? Your food in the fridge?
DEAN: What’s wrong with my food?
SAM: It’s not food anymore, Dean! It’s Darwinism!
DEAN: I like it.
SAM: And you know what, all I ask from you, the one thing is that you don’t mess with my stuff.
DEAN: You done?
SAM: You know, how would you feel if I screwed with the Impala?
DEAN: It’d be the last thing you ever did.
[CUT TO: MOTEL ROOM. PRESENT TIME.]
BOBBY: Did you take his computer?
DEAN: It serves him right, but no.
SAM: Well, I didn’t lose it. ‘Cause I don’t lose things.
DEAN: Oh, that’s right. Yeah, ‘cause he’s Mister Perfect.
BOBBY: Okay, okay. Why don’t you just tell me what happened next?
DEAN: There was one more victim.
SAM: Right. Now, we didn’t see this one ourselves, either. We kind of put it together from the evidence. But this guy –- he was a research scientist. Animal testing.
DEAN: Yeah, you know, a dick. Which fits the pattern.
[FLASHBACK –- EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS. The research scientist is leaving the building. He stops walking when he sees a shiny watch glinting at him from the sewer. He gets on the ground and sticks his hand through the grate, trying to grab the watch. Suddenly, a creature dwelling in the sewer grabs the man’s hand, attacking him.]
[CUT TO: INT. MORGUE. FLASHBACK CONTINUED.]
DEAN: [VO] The cops didn’t release a cause of death because they had no clue what the cause was.
SAM: [VO] So, we checked it out ourselves.
[The boys sneak in through the window and open the drawer containing the scientist’s corpse.]
DEAN: Well, this ought to be quick. [They take off the cover and reveal several limbs, all of which have been severed from the man’s body.] Okay, that is just nasty.
SAM: Yeah. Mutilated –- looks to me like something was hungry.
DEAN: They identify him yet?
SAM: Yeah, a research scientist at the college. Guess where his office was, by the way.
DEAN: Hm?
SAM: Crawford Hall, same as the professor.
DEAN: That’s right where the frat boy had his close encounter.
SAM: [examining the limbs] Yeah. Hey, grab me that thing, would you? [He points to a microscope, which DEAN wheels over to him.] Thanks. [He looks at the limbs and finds something.]
DEAN: What is it?
SAM: It looks like a…a belly scale?
DEAN: A belly scale? From what?
SAM: Uh…an alligator?
DEAN: An alligator in the sewer? Come on.
SAM: What? Dean, it’s a classic urban legend. A kid flushes a baby gator down the toilet, and it grows huge in the tunnels.
DEAN: Yeah, but no one’s really ever found one. They’re not real.
SAM: Well, neither is alien abduction. But something jumped on this guy.
DEAN: This couldn’t get any weirder.
SAM: Yeah, maybe we should get some help. I’ll call Bobby. Maybe he’s run into something like this before.
DEAN: Oh, I’m sure he has. It’s just your typical haunted campus, alien abduction, alligator-in-the-sewer gig. Yeah, it’s simple.
[CUT TO: MOTEL ROOM. PRESENT TIME.]
SAM: We decided to search the sewer anyway. So, we split up, each taking one end of campus.
BOBBY: Did you find anything?
DEAN: Yeah, I found something. Just not in the sewer.
[FLASHBACK –- STREET OUTSIDE CAMPUS. DEAN exits the ground through a manhole and covers it. When he reaches the car, he sees that all of the Impala’s tires have been flattened.]
DEAN: Son of a bitch! [He bends down near one of the tires and finds a money clip, engraved with the initials S.W.] Sam!
[CUT TO: MOTEL ROOM. FLASHBACK CONTINUED. DEAN enters to find SAM reading.]
DEAN: You think this is funny?
SAM: Depends. What?
DEAN: The car!
SAM: What about the car?
DEAN: You can’t let the air out of the tires, you idiot! You’re gonna bend the rims!
SAM: Whoa, wait a minute. I didn’t go near your car.
DEAN: Oh, yeah? [taking out the money clip] Huh. Then how’d I find this?
SAM: [standing] Hey, give me back my money.
DEAN: Oh, no. Consider it reparations for emotional trauma.
SAM: Yeah, very funny. Now give it back. [He tries to grab it, but DEAN swipes it away.]
DEAN: No.
SAM: Dean, I have had it up to here with you.
DEAN: Yeah, right back at ya.
[SAM tries again to grab the money, but DEAN keeps it out of reach. SAM keeps grabbing until they both fall onto the bed, wrestling for the money.]
DEAN: Get off me!
SAM: Give it back!
[CUT TO: MOTEL ROOM. PRESENT TIME.]
BOBBY: Okay, I’ve heard enough.
DEAN: Anyway, you showed up about an hour after that.
BOBBY: I’m surprised at you two. I really am. Sam, first off –- Dean did not steal your computer.
SAM: But I—
BOBBY: Shh! And Dean, Sam did not touch your car.
SAM: Yeah!
BOBBY: And if you two bothered to pull your heads out of your asses, it all would’ve been pretty clear.
DEAN: What?
BOBBY: What you’re dealing with.
SAM: Uh…
DEAN: I’ve got nothing.
SAM: Me neither.
BOBBY: You’ve got a Trickster on your hands.
DEAN: [snapping his fingers] That’s what I thought.
SAM: What? No, you didn’t!
BOBBY: But I’ve gotta tell you –- you guys were the biggest clue.
SAM: What do you mean?
BOBBY: These things create chaos and mischief as easy as breathing. And it’s got you so turned around and at each other’s throats, you can’t even think straight.
SAM: The laptop.
DEAN: The tires.
BOBBY: It knows you’re onto him. And it’s been playing you like fiddles.
DEAN: So, what is it? A spirit? Demon? What?
BOBBY: Well, more like demigods, really. There’s Loki in Scandinavia, there’s Anansi in West Africa –- dozens of them. They’re immortal, and they can create things out of thin air. Things as real as you and me. Make them vanish just as quick.
DEAN: You mean, like an angry spirit or an alien or an alligator?
BOBBY: The victims fit the M.O., too. Tricksters target the high and the mighty –- knock ‘em down a peg, usually with a sense of humor. Deadly pranks, things like that.
DEAN: Bobby, what do these things look like?
BOBBY: Lots of things. But human, mostly.
DEAN: [turning to Sam] And what human do we know who’s been at ground zero this whole time? [SAM looks confused for a minute, but his expression suddenly turns to realization.]
[CUT TO: TRICKSTER’S LAIR. The Trickster is looking at several issues of Weekly World News, with articles written about aliens, alligators, and cannibals wielding chainsaws.]
TRICKSTER: Ooh, that’s a good one. [The camera pans to reveal that the Trickster is the janitor from the college. He puts down the magazine and whistles to his dog.] Come here! [The dog runs to him.] Could you eat? I could eat. Come on.
[The TRICKSTER and the dog go to the kitchen, where all kinds of cakes and candies sit on the table.]
TRICKSTER: Something’s missing. [He smirks, and two beautiful women, a blonde and a brunette, materialize out of thin air. They laugh while he feeds them.]
[CUT TO: INT. CRAWFORD HALL. NEXT MORNING. The Trickster, back in his janitor outfit, is leading the boys upstairs, again dressed as DSL cable men.]
TRICKSTER: Sorry I’m dragging a little ass today, boys. Had quite the night last night. [beat] Lots of sex, if you catch my drift.
DEAN: Yeah, hard not to. Listen, we won’t be long. We just need to check a couple of offices up on three.
TRICKSTER: No problem.
SAM: Oh, damn. I forgot something in the truck. You know what, I’ll catch up with you guys.
DEAN: Okay.
[He goes upstairs with the Trickster. SAM, meanwhile, returns downstairs and heads to the locker room, checking all the lockers. He finally finds an issue of Weekly World News inside a locker, with the headline reading, “Aliens Abduct Cheerleaders!”]
[CUT TO: EXT. CRAWFORD HALL. The boys are leaving.]
SAM: Just because he reads the Weekly World News doesn’t mean he’s our guy. I mean, you read it, too.
DEAN: I’m telling you, it’s him.
SAM: Look, I just think we need some hard proof, that’s all.
DEAN: Okay, another thing Bobby mentioned was that these suckers have a metabolism like an insect, a real sweet tooth.
SAM: Well, I didn’t find any candy bars or sugar. Not even Equal.
DEAN: Yeah, it’s probably ‘cause you missed something.
SAM: I don’t miss things.
DEAN: Oh, right, ‘cause you’re Mister Perfect.
SAM: What? Are you really still pissed at me because of what the Trickster did? [The Trickster appears at the school window, overhearing them.]
DEAN: Oh, come on, man. You’ve been a tight-ass long before that Trickster showed up.
SAM: Look, just stay here, keep an eye on the janitor. I’ll go to his place, see if I can find any actual evidence before you go barging in and staking the man. [DEAN shrugs.] Just wait till I get back, okay?
DEAN: Mm.
SAM: Okay?
DEAN: Okay! [SAM leaves. The Trickster eyes DEAN suspiciously.]
[CUT TO: CRAWFORD HALL. NIGHT. DEAN is walking around outside, waiting for SAM.]
DEAN: Oh, screw this.
[He goes inside the building and searches the stairwells, finding nothing. On his way back upstairs, he suddenly hears the music of Barry White coming from another room. He enters one of the lecture halls, where “Can’t Get Enough of Your Love, Babe” is blasting. On the stage, under a disco ball, the Trickster's two beautiful women are sitting on a bed. DEAN walks towards them, pleased.]
BRUNETTE: We’ve been waiting for you, Dean.
DEAN: [salivating] You guys aren’t real.
BRUNETTE: Trust me, sugar, it’s gonna feel real. [DEAN lets out an excited sound.]
BLONDE: Come on. Let us give you a massage.
DEAN: You know, I’m a sucker for a happy ending. Really, I am. But…I’m gonna have to pass.
TRICKSTER: They’re a peace offering. [DEAN turns to see the Trickster sitting in the audience.] I know what you and your brother do. I’ve been around awhile. I’ve run into your kind before.
DEAN: Well, then you know that I can’t let you just keep hurting people.
TRICKSTER: Come on! Those people got what was coming to them. Hoisted on their own petards. But you and Sam? I like you. I do. So, treat yourself, as long as you want. Just long enough for me to move onto the next town. [He takes out a candy bar.]
DEAN: Yeah, I don’t think I can let you do that.
TRICKSTER: I don’t wanna hurt you. And you know that I can.
DEAN: Look, man, I gotta tell you. I dig your style. I do. [He gestures to the girls, looking impressed.] And the slow-dancing alien?
TRICKSTER: [laughing] One of my personal favorites.
DEAN: But, uh…I can’t let you go.
TRICKSTER: Too bad. Like I said, I liked you. But Sam was right. You shouldn’t have come alone.
DEAN: Well, I’ll agree with you there.
[The doors to the lecture hall open, and BOBBY and SAM enter, armed with stakes.]
TRICKSTER: That fight you guys had outside –- that was a trick? [DEAN shrugs, smirking.] Hm…not bad. [DEAN takes out his own stake.] But you wanna see a real trick?
[SAM suddenly turns to see a man wielding a chainsaw standing behind him. He barely dodges the man’s chainsaw. The brunette grabs DEAN’S arm and twists the stake out of his hand, throwing him into the bed. The chainsaw man cuts through BOBBY’S stake, making it useless. The girls continue to fight with DEAN, throwing him into one of the audience seats.]
TRICKSTER: Nice toss, ladies! Nice show!
[SAM notices DEAN’S stake on the floor. DEAN nods, and SAM throws it to him.]
TRICKSTER: Dean…Dean, Dean, Dean. I did not wanna have to do this. [DEAN stabs him with the stake.]
DEAN: Me neither.
[He twists the stake, and the chainsaw man disappears, along with the beautiful women. He pulls the stake out, letting the Trickster’s body fall into a seat. BOBBY and SAM approach.]
DEAN: You guys okay? [BOBBY nods.]
SAM: Yeah. I guess.
DEAN: Well, I’ve gotta say –- he had style. [He walks away, groaning. The three men exit the building, walking to the Impala.]
SAM: Bobby, thanks a lot, we really couldn’t—
BOBBY: Hey, save it. Let’s just get the hell out of Dodge before somebody finds that body.
SAM: Yeah. [They reach the car.] Look, Dean, um…I just wanna say that I’m…um…
DEAN: Hey. Me, too.
BOBBY: You guys are breaking my heart. Could we please just leave? [They nod, getting in the car and driving away.]
[Meanwhile, inside the lecture hall, somebody approaches the Trickster’s corpse, and it vanishes into thin air. The camera pans to reveal the real Trickster, very much alive, eating a candy bar. The screen goes black.]
END OF EPISODE
Ecrit par Alexx12.